Making a friend fall in love with you is challenging however it is possible. More often than not people who have been in long term relationships start of as best friends. While they were friends they did everything together such as grabbing a coffee, a weekend brunch, going to the gym together etc. and generally being comfortable in each other’s company do they have seen the best and worst of each other.
The challenge is how do you take a best friend, who you have romantic feelings for, and turn them into a boyfriend/girlfriend? Have no fear! The perceived impossible is POSSIBLE.
Myths about the Friend Zone
This relationship of being friends with someone who you’re attracted to, but does not seem to be reciprocated, is commonly known as the ‘Friend Zone’. Most men see this as the kiss of death, however, there are a lot of myths around the friend zone.
- Once you are in the friend zone there is no escape
- Friend Zone-ing can only happen to Men
- Being in the Friend Zone means you are unattractive
- Once in the Friend Zone the only way out is to stop being friends
If you were to ask most men they would say that the friend zone is somewhere you DO NOT want to be.
However, in 2020 is it unrealistic to expect a potential partner not to build some kind of friendship with a guy?
The stigma and bravado around the ‘Friend Zone’ needs to be dropped and instead it needs to be seen as an opportunity to grow into a romantic relationshiop.
How do I know I am in the friend zone?
In the beginning it can be hard to tell if you are actually in the Friend Zone or not. You may be oblivious to it, and behaving as you would normally to your ‘date’, until it jumps up and metaphorically slaps you in the face screaming ‘Friend Zone!’ Once this happens the penny will drop and you will realise that you’ve been Friend Zoned!
Here are a few Clues that you’ve been Friend Zoned…
1. She will be comfortable talking to you anything, in particular chatting about other men she has earmarked as potential future partners.
Such as: “oh Dave is so hot, I wonder if he is single?”
That’s not her playing hard to get that’s her way of subconsciously saying “You’re my mate and I can gossip with you”
2. She regularly advises how you should be with other woman
She is dishing out the advice because, as a friend she genuinely wants you to find a partner, also if she senses that you are romantically into her yet she has other ideas it’s her way of letting you down gently in as much as if you are on with someone else then you are then not going to be into her and the quicker that happens the better.
3. You are the person she calls for just a chat
While you’re thinking this is great she phones me all the time, she must be keen … not necessarily.
What’s happening here is that she is treating you as one of her girlfriends and is reaching out to you either to gossip or chit chat about work.
That’s not to say she is not that into you it’s a bit more complicated and depends on the her tone and word choice there will be no flirtatious innuendoes in the friend Zone.
4. She will be saying things like ‘Why Can’t I find a guy like you’
If you have missed all the other signs, this will be the most obvious slap in the face one that you are in the friend zone.
When she says something like” Why can’t I find a guy like you?” and you are stood right in front of her and want to scream ‘you have, I’m right here!’ What she means by that is you posse all the qualities she appreciates such as caring, understanding good listening however you poses none of the other qualities like attraction, seduction and sexual desire. Brutal harsh reality but true.
How do you make a Friend Like You?
Now that we have identified you’re in the Friend Zone here it is the million dollar question, how do you make your best friend fall in love with you?
This can be the hardest challenge, however, it is achievable, the end game to re-position yourself and move from being a ‘friend’ intio a potential love interest.
1. Start by giving a bit of distance
This may sound counterproductive, however, the reality is because you like her and like being in her company you are probably making yourself too available for her. Do you always make time or put things off to meet her, hang out, text, call etc. this behaviour needs to be dialled down and you need to start to create ‘Want’ and ‘Desire’.
Think of it as reboot, by giving a bit of distance you can start to rebuild the relationship and change the tone into a more romantic one. Don’t always be so available, not only that, it will do your confidence the power of good.
2. Start working on yourself
You may consider yourself the finished article, very few of us are, we can guarantee there is always something you can be improving in yourself.
The best place to start is fitness, style and look, start eating right, temper the binge drinking nights out and start taking care of yourself so when you reintroduce yourself to her you can look more attractive. Don’t be afraid to try out a new hairdo or trendy up your usual style, get out of your comfort zone, if you feel good about yourself you will radiate this to others.
You also want to work on becoming an interesting person so start going to clubs and getting more interests/hobbies this way you grow your confidence so that you ooze swagger.
3. Increase your Romantic interest
The reason you were Friend Zone’d in the beginning was because you didn’t position yourself correctly from the get go.
If you look back on your first couple of interactions then you might realise that you were too friendly, not attentive enough or too tame at letting her know your intentions.
Second time around, the bottom line is you need to up your flirting game. This means anytime you meet up, you need to understand and learn the subtle art of being playful and flirty. If you would like some tips check out Art of Charisma ways of being flirty.
4. Play the Long Game
Let this be the reality check, it’s going to take time to convert someone who saw you as a friend to then see you romantically. Don’t expect to have 1 gym session and a few flirty texts and think your work is done. You need to give enough time for it to work its magic to nurture and grow the relationship. It can take anything from 6 months to years to convert someone however if they are worth it then you will want to persevere, if you don’t, well what we can say….. perhaps they are not the one you should be chasing.
How to Make a Friend Like You Bonus Tip!
What we want you to do with your BFF, is really think about what it is you are attracted to about them, really analyse and think of the qualities that you find attractive.
If for example you love the fact that she is spontaneous or enjoys adventuring well there are plenty of woman out there that also have that trait who will be into YOU. Keep working on your appearance and your flirtatiousness however if you cannot convert them it is actually much easier to find someone who is into you than actually try and convince someone to be with you.
Trying to make a best friend fall in love with you is going to be challenging, and a lot of it starts with working on yourself, before you even get to the point of trying to ‘woo’ your friend.
The reality is she was not initially attracted to you, that’s not to say that friendship can’t grow into romance, after all its not about looks in the long term but compatibility.
Ideally you need to become attractive, by attractive we are not meaning physical facial features or other attributes, we mean become a more an interesting person, work on your style & physique, change your outlook and attitude.
From there on in only then can you start to re-build the relationship it’s important to show her you have a romantic intention. By doing small things, like holding a door open for her or a slight gesture to move her hair over her ear os other such like intimate but subtle gestures.
The take away is that even though you CAN convert a non believer it is sometimes better to go out and find someone who is attracted to you – Life is too short to spend too much time on one person when there are a whole lot more out there just waiting to meet you.
The good thing is if you are doing the above steps once you put yourself out there you are going to be a highly sought after guy because you will be confident, attractive & interesting.
If you need any help to brush up on your dating skills and techniques try our bespoke 1-2-1 mentoring and coaching for charisma & dating and book your complimentary consultation.