An awkward silence can make you feel so uncomfortable during a conversation and ruin the flow that you expect from an effortless conversation with a friend, colleague, or client. Here are some simple methods to handle an awkward silence:
- Call back – Refer to something that was discussed earlier and bring it back into the conversation.
- Ask their thoughts or opinions – Encourage them to share their opinion or advice on something topical or anything going on in your life.
- Reveal something about yourself – Share a recent experience, a story you heard, or an idea you have.
- Bring someone into the conversation – Encourage others to join in and add a new dynamic.
- Use your environment – Look for pictures on the wall, music playing in the background, or an exhibit in front of you, and use that to steer the conversation.
- Remember not all silence is uncomfortable – Get comfortable with silence; you don’t need to fill every break, pause, or moment of quiet with words.
If you want to develop better communication in your personal and professional life, a charisma coach can help. Charisma coaching can help you speak more confidently, have your ideas heard, and get more opportunities. Book your FREE charisma coaching discovery call below.
Why Do Awkward Silences Happen?
If you find yourself having regular awkward silences with different people, take comfort in knowing there’s a reason for that. They are very common, but it’s important to feel comfortable in silence and not feel pressured to fill every void in the conversation with words.
- Running out of things to say – A conversation can lack direction, leading to dead ends. Conversations are a two-way street, so the other person also needs to contribute to avoid awkward silences.
- Mismatched energy levels – If one person is excited and enthusiastic while the other is reserved, an awkward silence is more likely. Try to adapt and match the energy level of the other person.
- Lack of rapport – If there isn’t enough rapport and connection, awkward silences are more common. Conversations flow best when both people feel comfortable.
- Overthinking – Many people overthink their responses, trying to craft the perfect answer. This stalls the conversation and creates pressure, leading to an awkward silence that builds on itself.
5 Hacks to Handle an Awkward Silence
The key is to become comfortable with silence. Some people need time to think, reflect, and process during a conversation—so let them. However, if you want to have effortless conversations that move smoothly from one topic to another, use these five hacks:
1. The Call Back
The Call Back is when you refer back to an earlier topic in the conversation. Perhaps you were discussing what you do for a living or what interests you have. Use the call back to return to one of these topics that interested you and continue the conversation in this direction
Examples of ’The Call back’
- “Earlier on you said that you were from X what was it like growing up there?”
- “You mentioned you studied X at university/College what made you choose that subject?”
- “So you work in X industry, what is it like working for X?”
- Outside of work you like X how did you first get introduced to X?”
2. Ask Their Thoughts or Opinions
There is a psychological effect that takes place when we get someone to share their thoughts, opinions, or advice, of a subject. When people are invited to talk about themselves they start to feel fondness towards the person who asked them the question. Their opinion doesn’t need to be good, practical, or even valid you just want them to share their experiences, values, or beliefs so that you have more information to ask great follow-up questions or deepen the connection you already have.
Examples of Asking Thoughts or Opinions
- “So you work in X industry what’s your opinion on what is currently happening?”
- “you go to the gym, I really want to get in shape any tips?”
- “What would be your advice to someone who also wants to start a business?”
- “What’s your opinion on what has been happening on the news?”
3. Reveal Something About Yourself
Conversations are a mixture of questions and statements, sometimes we fall into the trap of constantly asking questions. A simple way to take control of the direction of a conversation is to share something about yourself without being asked a question. It can help introduce new topics, steer the direction, or offer as a social cue to the other person to engage with this idea.
Examples of Revealing Something About Yourself
- “The other week I went to this exciting fusion restaurant!”
- “I was thinking about starting a new sport, I really felt inspired watching the Olympics”
- “I was watching this YouTube video and I had no idea about X”
- “I love this new show on Netflix, I am hooked!”
4. Bring Another person Into The Conversation
An additional person can help take the weight off any difficulties in a conversation. Usually introducing a new person can give a new dynamic to the conversation and can enhance the ‘flow’ to avoid any awkward silence. You must be aware that the person does need to be in the area that the original conversation is in, avoid moving rooms, or changing environments.
Examples of Bringing Another Person Into a Conversation
- “That reminds me (Person 1) actually spoke about that, let’s get their thoughts.”
- “That’s a really interesting point what do you (Person 1) think about that?
- “Have you met (Person 1) yet they would enjoy this topic?”
- “Who else at this part have you met? No one? Well let me introduce you to (Person 1)
5. Use Your Environment
Your environment is your best friend when it comes to tackling any awkward moments in a conversation. The odds are if you are having a conversation with someone you are at a party, networking event, social, or professional gathering and you are surrounded by ‘crutches’ you can use to get out of an awkward silence. It will take some practice but look around the room you are in perhaps there is a painting that looks interesting, or music playing in the background, perhaps you see some activity happening in front of you. use these environmental elements to jump-start a conversation.
Examples of ‘Use Your Environment’
- “Look at that exhibition over there, let’s go and check it out?”
- “Do you hear that song they are playing that really reminds me of my trip to New York!”
- “Wow, look at that painting, it’s so weird, why do you think people are passionate about art?”
- Do you see David talking to his Ex over there? What do you think they are discussing?”
Silences Are Not Bad
Silences are not bad—you need to train yourself to feel comfortable in them. Once you do, you’ll gain better emotional control, avoid the fear of pressure, and focus on connection rather than panicking over silence.
How to Have Better Conversations
Charisma coaching can help you develop the soft skills you need to be successful. Strong conversation skills, confidence when speaking, and deeper connections with others can have massive benefits in a short time. Charisma coaching can help you speak up in meetings, have your ideas heard, and increase your levels of charisma.
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