“How to up your charisma” is a request I get a lot as a charisma coach. If you want to up your charisma, use these simple techniques: smile authentically, actively listen to others, show empathy, build rapport, ask engaging questions, display positive body language, and tell captivating stories. If you want to take your charisma to the next level, you could benefit from charisma coaching. My clients have become more memorable, developed deeper connections with others, and received more opportunities. Book your discovery call below to learn more:
How to Up Your Charisma
Use these skills to develop your charisma and be seen as a confident leader:
- Project Warmth
- Don’t Hear, Actively Listen
- Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
- Take Control of Your Non-Verbal Communication
- Build Rapport Over Emotion
- Ask Engaging Questions
- Tell Captivating Stories
The Science Behind Charisma
Over the years, researchers have been discovering new and exciting psychological effects of charisma. The relationship between psychology, science, and charisma has been very strong. In fact, the data found from research has been used by politicians, salespeople, and influential leaders to inspire and persuade others. You too can use these tips to up your charisma to new levels. Here are some aspects of the science behind charisma:
Impact of Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a chemical in the brain known as the ‘Bonding Hormone’. Research has shown that charismatic people tend to trigger higher levels of oxytocin in those they interact with, fostering a sense of connection and loyalty. This biochemical response can explain why we often feel drawn to and trust charismatic individuals more easily. Charismatic people can activate oxytocin by asking great questions, showing genuine interest, and making the other person feel wanted and loved.
Psychology of Persuasion
Researchers like Dr. Robert B. Cialdini discovered that charisma and likeability are closely linked to persuasion. Techniques such as gift-giving, credibility, emotional connection, and social proof increase a person’s likeability, which in turn enhances their ability to persuade others. For example, employers who give their staff small gifts on their birthdays experience higher rates of staff loyalty without increasing salaries because the staff ‘like’ the employers.
How to Up Your Charisma
Let’s go into detail and look at exactly how to up your charisma and the techniques you can use immediately. Here are 7 tips to increase your likeability, making you more memorable, gaining more opportunities, and developing charisma:
Project Warmth
Warmth is a key component of being charismatic. People are drawn to those who are positive, approachable, and fun. To up your charisma, you need to show others that you have a warm personality. This does not mean that you have to be loud, hilarious, and have a bubbly personality, but there are a few simple techniques you can use to project warmth.
- Genuine smiling
- Open body language
- Enjoying yourself in the moment
- Being present with others
- Making eye contact
- Laughing
- Making jokes
The simplest thing you can do is give people a genuine smile. As humans, we are attracted to those who are positive, and displaying a genuine smile is the best way to do this. The key takeaway is that it must be delivered authentically and genuinely, as a ‘fake’ smile can have the opposite effect and lower your charisma.
Don’t Hear, Actively Listen
If you want to up your charisma, then you are also going to have to up your listening skills. Most people believe that they are excellent listeners, but the truth is, in most cases, they are not as good as they think they are. Hearing someone and listening to them are two very different things. Hearing someone is a physical activity where your ear processes the sound waves. Actively listening to someone involves processing their words, body language, tone, and facial expressions, and understanding the meaning behind their words. For example, imagine you are speaking to a colleague, and they say:
“I am stressed about this upcoming meeting.”
It’s obvious that they are feeling anxious about the meeting. However, it’s not always so clear.
“I was up all night preparing for this meeting. Coffee wasn’t even helping! It’s okay, it’s done now.”
You could brush this aside, thinking that everything has been sorted. However, charismatic people can actively listen, identify the emotions behind the words, and respond empathetically. If you are asking, “How to up your charisma?” then improving your active listening skills is the quickest way to do so.
Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
People who have high levels of charisma also have equally high levels of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a skill that you will have to learn when considering how to up your charisma. To increase your emotional intelligence, you have to be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see the situation through their eyes. Charismatic leaders are very strong at this skill. They can see how changes will affect staff, colleagues, and customers, understand the feelings they will go through, and respond accordingly. They use phrases such as:
- It feels like…
- It sounds like…
- It looks like…
They identify the emotions that help the other person feel understood and acknowledged.
Take Control of Your Non-Verbal Communication
Since we are so familiar with our bodies (we are in them every day), we forget how to use them effectively. Like your mind, your body falls into habits, and those habits can convey a negative message to others without your realizing it. Looking down at your phone mid-conversation, hands in pockets, looking around, and crossed arms may not be important to you, but the message they convey is detrimental to your charisma. Here’s how to take control of your non-verbal communication:
- Make eye contact with others
- Use subtle hand gestures
- Maintain a confident posture
- Nod
- Smile
Hand gestures are very important when you are trying to up your charisma. Open-palm hand gestures help build trust. When we can see someone’s hands, we trust them more. Additionally, hand gestures can help communicate the message you want to get across.
Build Rapport Over Emotion
Here are some examples that fail at building rapport:
- Chatting about the weather
- Discussing the traffic
- Talking about holidays
No one is interested! If you want to have deep and meaningful connections, you need to get others to open up and talk about themselves. How to up your charisma is not just about your body language; it’s also about your interactions with others. Look for common ground and get them to talk about their passions, desires, and fears to build rapport. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that just because you both love golf, you have rapport. You need to connect over emotions. You can do this by:
- Asking their opinion on a topic or passion they have
- Getting their advice on a subject you are unfamiliar with
- Encouraging them to tell stories
Ask Engaging Questions
Similar to building rapport, you want to avoid dull questions. You want to engage the other person and start releasing oxytocin in their brain, which will help them feel more connected to you. To make questions more engaging, stick to what are called “Open Questions,” which are questions that start with:
- How
- What
- Why
Of course, you can still ask:
- Where are you from?
- What do you do for a living?
However, try to spice up these mundane questions like this:
- What made you get into X industry?
- Why did you move to X?
- What is your favorite thing about working at X?
Tell Captivating Stories
Storytelling is a fantastic skill to have because it can help you in both your professional and personal life. Captivating stories help engage audiences, communicate a message, and inspire others. When it comes to developing charisma, being able to tell great stories can help you emotionally connect with the person you are speaking to, become more memorable, and persuade someone. The versatility of storytelling is incredible and should be one of your strongest qualities as a charismatic leader. Here are some tips to tell engaging stories:
- Include your body language where you can, use hand gestures, and act out scenes to make what you are saying more memorable.
- Change your voice and tone to engage the listener’s ears.
- Edit where possible, leaving out information that is not important to the story.
- Do not ruin the punchline. Too often, I see someone start a story by giving away the ending, such as “Hey, did I tell you about the time I ate £1,000 worth of chocolate?” Boom, you have just removed all suspense and climax from your story—we know everything in that sentence.
Next Steps
If you are looking to up your charisma, then you could benefit from Charisma Coaching. Learn to become more memorable, spontaneous in conversation, and get more opportunities by developing natural charisma. Book a discovery call today with our charisma coach:
