Having conversations that flow effortlessly is a skill; however, like any skill, it can be learned and developed. To be smooth in a conversation, you will need to be able to initiate conversations, create a spark, build rapport, keep the conversations going, and actively listen, all while being present in the moment. The important thing is to not overthink conversations; they are supposed to be enjoyable, like solving a puzzle—the satisfaction comes once you have cracked the code. If you want to improve your conversation skills, get better at communicating, and develop your inner charisma, then book a discovery call below for charisma coaching:
How to Be Smooth in a Conversation
The key components to having smooth conversations are as follows:
- Initiate conversations with anyone
- Handling Small Talk
- Create a Spark
- Build Rapport and Connection
- Keep the Conversation Going
- Actively Listen
- Being Present
- Handling Awkward Moments
These are just the headlines of how to be smooth in a conversation, but let’s look at each of these in more detail.
How To Be Smooth In a Conversation
Here are the techniques you will need to be smooth in a conversation with anyone.
Initiate Conversations With Anyone
Starting a conversation with someone can be a challenge; however, there are a few simple techniques you can use to initiate a very smooth conversation with anyone. The main thing is to not overthink it; starting with “Hello, my name is…” is a completely fine way to start. There is no perfect opening line or silver bullet; you have to go with what is natural and organic in the moment. Here are some techniques to initiate a conversation with anyone:
- Use Your Environment – Comment on the place you are physically in. Look at photos on the wall, music in the background, or an interesting exhibit, and use this as an opportunity to ask a question.
- Compliments & Questions – Look at the person you want to initiate a conversation with and give them a sincere compliment and follow up with a question. For example, “You have great style! Do you work in fashion?”
Handling Small Talk
When it comes to how to be smooth in a conversation, small talk plays a pivotal part. I understand that most people hate it; however, it is a vital component of having smooth conversations. Topics such as weather, traffic, and work are not bad conversations, but they do not help form deep and meaningful connections. You want to travel through the building rapport funnel like the diagram below:
The best methods to handle small talk are to:
- Ask Open Questions – These are questions that start with What, How, or Why.
- Ask Their Advice or Opinion – People love talking about themselves, so get them to share an opinion or advice on a subject they are interested in.
- Active Listening – You want to be in tune with what the person is saying as they could offer an opportunity to build a connection that you might miss.
Creating a Spark
This is one of the most exciting moments of a conversation when you land on a juicy topic that the other person loves. Sparks are difficult to create. You can create a spark by getting the other person to engage their brain and answer a question that gets them to think. The biggest culprits for boring conversations are:
- How are you?
- How was your weekend?
- What brings you here?
It’s not that these are bad questions you should avoid; they just do not help to create sparks. You want to ask interesting and unique questions about the person that get them to open up about themselves, such as:
- What was the highlight of your day?
- What’s a personal passion project you’re currently working on?
- Is there anything exciting coming up in your life?
These questions get the other person to think and process what you have just said, giving you a much more interesting answer, while also allowing you to ask awesome follow-up questions. You can see already how to be smooth in conversations.
Building Rapport and Connection
Unfortunately, building rapport with someone is not a moment; it is a process that happens throughout a conversation. There is a particular mindset you need to adopt when it comes to building rapport with someone, which is: ”You had to become the talk show host, not the guest.”
Think of a TV Talk Show; the audience is never interested in what the host has to say; they are interested in the stories, opinions, and anecdotes of their celebrity guests. When you want to be smooth in a conversation, you need to be the talk show host, by asking good questions that allow the guests to open up and talk about themselves.
To build rapport with someone you need to:
- Ask Open Questions – Specifically questions where you get a person to share details about themselves.
- Actively Listen – Do not just ‘hear’ their answers but look at their body language and listen to their tone.
- Mirroring – When they give you an answer use labeling, which is when you repeat the last 2-3 words they said. Humans love similarities, we feel more fond of things (and people) who are like us, so by repeating words you are creating this connection.
- Labeling Emotions – Use phrases like “It feels like, it seems like, or it sounds like” to label an emotion someone is feeling in that moment. The other person will feel understood and heard which helps build rapport.
Keeping The Conversation Going
One of the key components of having smooth conversations that flow from topic to topic is the art of keeping them going. By keeping conversations going you can build a deeper connection, learn more about the other person, and avoid any awkward moments. Here are a few techniques you can use to keep the conversation going effortlessly:
- The Phrase “This Reminds me of…” – Perhaps the conversation has gone flat, but the topic or the last thing they said reminded you of something (It could be anything) such as a story or anecdote use the phrase “This reminds me of…” and then go into your story. If you are really stuck then use your environment to inspire your story.
- Give More Information – If someone asks you a question it’s easy to give just a one-word response, but to keep the conversation going smoothly, you have to give more information as this signals to the other person an opportunity to ask follow-up questions.
If you are looking for some extra support and get some practical experience in how to be smooth in a conversation then perhaps you could benefit from charisma coaching. Learn to become more memorable, have interesting things to say, and create deep connections, book your discovery call below:
Actively Listening
I have mentioned ‘Active Listening’ as a core skill when you want to be smooth in a conversation; however, I can guarantee that you have not been fully active listening. What you need to watch out for is that ‘hearing’ and ‘listening’ are two very different things. Hearing is a physical act that you do with your body, listening is processing the words and identifying the meaning, for the record you are not only listening to the other person’s words but also their tone and body language.
If you are not actively listening you can miss out on vital bits of information that can help you be smooth in a conversation. You can ask and interpret questions and statements in the wrong way, the benefit of active listening is that you can build a deeper connection much quicker with someone.
Being Present
Perhaps one of the most difficult skills to master when it comes to how to be smooth in a conversation. Remove all distractions from your mind and have one focus which is the person in front of you. Let me spell it out for you if you want to:
- Become more memorable
- Build trust with someone
- Make the other person feel special
- Create meaningful connections
- Inspire others
Then you need to become present in the moment.
Some of the challenges you might face when it comes to being present in the moment are:
- Distractions such as work emails or phone notifications
- Problems on your mind
- Overthinking
- Multitasking
What works for me is to have a genuine and sincere interest in the person I am speaking to. To help you adopt the mindset of an ‘Explorer’, they are excited and genuinely passionate about finding new lands, discoveries, and fascinating facts. Learn to find the joy, excitement, and pleasure of getting to know someone as opposed to it being a chore or something you ‘have to do’.
Next Steps
If you are ready to take the next steps on your charisma journey and want to learn how to be smooth in a conversation then book a discovery call with a charisma coach. A charisma coach can work with you to develop your charisma and make you more memorable, get more opportunities and have deeper connections with others, book your discovery call below:
