Get ready and put your seatbelt on as we explore together how you can unleash your magnetic presence, in a honest and natural way. This ultimate charisma guide will take you through each of the key elements that you will need to understand before you begin your journey.
Charisma has often seen as this indescribable quality that someone has. The Greeks called it a ‘divine gift’ which lead people to believe that only a lucky few were born with it. Charisma is a unique quality, we can spot when someone has it but for whatever reason we cannot describe it, and we DEFINITELY can spot when someone doesn’t have it. I am here to tell you that charisma is not a supernatural power like telekinesis or shapeshifting, but a set of soft skills that when mastered and applied correctly can have almost magical effects.
Some of these soft skills include:
- Making a good first impression
- Having deep and meaningful conversations
- showing confidence, not arrogance
- Inspirational leadership
- Understanding body language
- Sense of humour
- Being genuine & authentic
- Emotional intelligence
We can see the impact that charisma has had throughout history, whether that’s Martin Luther King JR or Winston Churchill people have used their charisma to move and shape the world. Charisma is not limited to world leaders or revolutionaries, it is still as relevant today as it has always been. If you are trying to convince your boss to give you a raise or promotion that’s charisma. If you are looking to connect with friends and partners then that’s charisma. If you are looking to inspire others then that’s charisma.
When you ask someone to describe a charismatic person, one of the most common words is ‘confidence’. However charismatic people never start out as confident. Believe it or not they also deal with struggles such as self-doubt, insecurity, and imposter syndrome. You can tackle all of these and begin to build your own self-confidence by:
- Challenging Negative Thoughts – Why do I think/believe this thought? Is there any evidence for me to feel this way?
- Identify Triggers – Do these feelings come in social situations, in job interviews, or in front of CEOs?
- Improve yourself – Confidence comes the better we become at something. If you want to be a better public speaker then practising in front of people is a great step. Start of small and then slowly, over time, increase the challenge. Star speaking in front of a few friends, then a room full of colleagues and work your way up and soon you will look back on speaking in front of friends as easy!
Enhancing Communication Skills
Communication skills might not appear to be the ‘sexy’ part of being charismatic, however, they play a crucial role when it comes to overall charisma.
On average people with higher communication skills earn $29,000 more than people with low communication skills, so there is a definitive ROI to improving these skills.
By being an effective communicator you can create better relationships with clients, colleagues, and partners as well as build trust and get your message heard. There are a variety of communication skills that are not limited to:
- Active listening
- Persuasive speaking
- Engaging storytelling
There are also a range of nonverbal communication elements such as
- Reading Body Language
The misconception about charisma is that you have to be something you are not, this is WRONG.
Charisma is not about putting on a persona but rather embracing and expressing your true and authentic self. For example, if you are someone who is naturally introverted, turning you into someone who is the loudest person in the room, being at the centre of attention at the party is not helpful, authentic or bring out the best of your true self.
Identify your unique qualities, values, and strengths and leverage them to create an authentic & genuine presence, here are some examples:
- If you are someone who makes jokes, then its ok to be the class clown if that is true for you
- If you are someone who is passionate about hearing about other people’s travels & stories you can embrace that
- If you value honesty and you are brutally honest with people then that is ok
You will need to discover what makes you tick, lean into and enhance those attributes.
Mastering Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is closely linked to charisma. Having a high EI (Emotional Intelligence) helps you build deeper relationships, handle difficult interpersonal conflicts, understand your own emotions, show empathy, enhance better decision-making, and regulate emotions in stressful situations. You can begin to improve your emotional intelligence by:
- Putting yourself in someone’s shoes – What would this person feel if I said or did this thing? Try to remove your own personal thoughts, feelings, and agendas. Would this thing anger them? Make them sad? Make them laugh?
- Practice observing how you feel – Ask yourself are you excited? Irritable? Or foggy?
- Journaling – This doesn’t need to be a thick book filled with pages of what you are doing each day, it can simply be a small sentence in your notes app on your phone. Personally, I like to ask myself simple questions for example: “Why did I feel that way?” or “What was the knock-on effect” each time I write something in my notes.
I acatually created a tiktok about how you know if you have low emotional inteligence called: 4 Signs You Have Low Emotional Inteligence
Cultivating Charismatic Body Language
70% of communication is nonverbal, this means that your body is doing much more talking than your mouth. Utilizing body language is imperative when it comes to being charismatic there are plenty of techniques that you can harness to improve your charisma and engage with others effectively:
- Eye Contact – This is one of the most important techniques. Making eye contact with someone releases a chemical in the brain called ‘oxytocin’ also known as the ‘Trust Building’ hormone. Making eye contact with someone increases our trust in them, do you remember a time when someone had shifty eyes? Think of a cartoon villain 😂 Did you trust them?
- Hand Gestures – Incorporating hand gestures into your day-to-day life can easily improve your charisma. They give others clues and add more meaning to what you are trying to convey. For example, if you want to convey how much something means to you, yes you can say ‘This means a lot’, however, if you also add a hand on the chest while saying it, it makes what you are saying sound more emotional and intense. A word of caution – don’t overdo the jazz hands though!
- Smiling – Smiling can be contagious, when we see others smiling then it makes us also feel positive. Take a look at the photos below and ask yourself “Who would you prefer to hang out with?”
Overcoming Charisma Challenges
When it comes to charisma you may face a range of challenges such as
- Stage Fright
- Social Anxiety
- Imposter syndrome
Overcoming these challenges will not happen overnight, however, with dedication and practice you can develop unbreakable confidence:
- Remember that anxiety isn’t as visible as you think – In your head, you may think that everyone can see your anxiety taking place, however, in the majority of situations people do not even notice that you are struggling.
- Release the pressure to be perfect – Re-focus on being genuine with people and your true self whatever that is for you
- Focus on the present moment – Don’t thank about what could happen, or what might happen, just focus on the present moment.
Nurturing Charismatic Relationships
Change how you perceive relationships think of them as investments, investments for your future. Instead of depositing cash, it will be your time and effort, and just like investments, you are looking at the long term for any returns. It is very likely that you will have to be patient before your ‘investment’ matures. With that in mind, they can pay incredible dividends.
Building lasting relationships is not a one-hit-wonder there require lots of time and effort which can take the shape of:
- Sending follow-up text messages
- Having a spontaneous video call
- Arranging to hang out
- Inviting them to a party
- Conducting a 1-2-1
- Sending a thank you email
- Celebrating their successes
- Touching base to see how they use your product
- Ask if they need help
It goes without saying that all these things have to come from a place of sincerity and authenticity, the slightest whiff of you are doing this for personal gain anyone would run a mile.
In general people are often short sighted when it comes to charisma and do not do any of these things enough. Just the fact you are prepared to make an effort with someone will skyrocket your charisma.
Sustaining and Growing Charisma
Charisma is a lifelong journey of growth and refinement. You do not just apply a few techniques and that’s it job is done. The saying “Practice in Public, Perfect in Private” comes to mind, you will have to train and hone your skills with everyone you meet, even on days you feel like just curling up and watching Netflix.
The best way you can do this is by creating habits around the techniques you will learn, it’s easy to be ‘charismatic’ for a job interview when you know the exact time and date when you NEED to be charismatic, however, what if your new boss invites you to drinks spontaneously or your in laws plan an unexpected weekend to your house and you need to turn it on?
By creating habits you will ensure the maximum effectiveness of your charisma going forward, so that it becomes natural to you.
You can create habits by:
- Incorporate it Into Your Routine
- Develop Self-Discipline
In conclusion, charisma is not an innate, supernatural gift, but rather a collection of soft skills that can be learned and mastered. It encompasses various aspects such as making a good first impression, engaging in deep conversations, demonstrating confidence without arrogance, inspirational leadership, understanding body language, humour, authenticity, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence. I hope this charisma guide has helped you understand the different elements which make up charisma.
Throughout history, charismatic individuals have wielded their influence to shape the world, but charisma is not limited to prominent figures. It remains relevant in various aspects of modern life, from professional success to personal relationships.
To build charisma, it is essential to focus on key areas:
- Building Self-Confidence: Overcoming self-doubt and developing a positive self-image are crucial in exuding confidence.
- Enhancing Communication Skills: Effective communication, both verbal and nonverbal, plays a vital role in establishing connections and building trust.
- Developing Authenticity: Embracing one’s true self and leveraging unique qualities and strengths are more effective than adopting a false persona.
- Mastering Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and managing emotions enable better relationships and decision-making.
- Cultivating Charismatic Body Language: Nonverbal cues, such as eye contact, gestures, and smiles, play a significant role in charisma.
- Overcoming Charisma Challenges: By addressing challenges like stage fright, social anxiety, and imposter syndrome, one can build unbreakable confidence.
- Nurturing Charismatic Relationships: Building meaningful connections with sincerity and effort enhances charisma and fosters long-lasting relationships.
- Sustaining and Growing Charisma: Charisma is a lifelong journey of growth and refinement, requiring continuous practice and self-discipline.
Incorporating these principles into daily habits ensures that charisma becomes a natural and effective part of your interactions. With dedication and perseverance, anyone can develop charisma and harness its positive effects in both personal and professional spheres. If you enjoyed this charisma guide then you will also like my ULTIMATE Guides, The Art of Charismatic Networking and conversations.